Milkalicious

Before I even got pregnant, I knew that I was going to breastfeed my baby. It was a non-issue and when I got pregnant, didn't even research formula, how to use bottles or the like. I had a couple of nursing books I was reading before giving birth, but nothing I read or researched prepared me for what happened right after I had Elijah. Although I'd heard that breastfeeding could be hard, I didn't think it could happen to me. Well, it did.

Because of the emergency situation I was in right after the c-section and being in ICU for nearly two days, I lost the initial bonding experience and couldn't breastfeed. To my utter dismay, he had to be fed formula. Of course I'm glad he was able to get something since I was unable to breastfeed, but I was just completely unprepared for the fact that he would get formula before my own breastmilk. It was one of my biggest disappointments.

Elijah - 1 week old

The following 2-3 days in the hospital were spent with me just trying to recuperate from the surgery and feeling so comatose all I could do was sleep. Every time I was awake and tried to breastfeed, different lactation consultants would come in, giving me their advice on how to do it. As well-intentioned as they were, I got conflicting advice and information and almost nothing was working. Elijah had a hard time latching on and I had little patience since I was so ill. It was utterly frustrating.

They sent us home with some formula and for the next week or so I continued trying to nurse him but to no avail. My milk never came in. We scoured the internet for donated breastmilk and found some, and was able to feed him that until we ran out (and had to then go back to formula). In the meantime, I was trying to figure out what to do about my situation as I was desperate to breastfeed him exclusively without supplementing with formula. I even fed him formula through a tube while he was nursing so that he wouldn't get used to a bottle.

Almost two weeks after having Elijah, after visiting with a chiropractic doctor, she suggested I see Jennifer Ritchie, lactation consultant and owner of Milkalicious. We went on the website and saw they had free breastfeeding workshops, so we made an appointment and went the next day. We walked in and saw that it was a small store full of breastfeeding paraphernalia, nursing clothes, slings, books and also had a room full of bean bag chairs with women breastfeeding their newborn babies. That was when Gabe had to leave, ha ha!

Basically the workshop is that they weigh your baby before you nurse, and then again after they nurse on one side, to see how much milk they take in. The staff in attendant at the workshop also educates you about breastmilk and breastfeeding. It was a wonderful way to see how much, if any, milk your baby was drinking! I told them my birth story and how I was having a hard time producing milk. That was when they had me make an appointment for a private consultation with Jennifer. In the meantime, they gave me some tools and advice to make the feedings easier. It was also great to talk with the other moms in attendance and share stories and tips.

Based on Jennifer's assessment of my situation, it turned out that my being diabetic and having thyroid issues was the culprit for my low prolactin levels and milk supply. She told me about a drug, that was very safe for me and the baby, to take that would raise my prolactin levels, which I am now taking.

It took a while for the drug to go into full effect but once it did I was able to cut back more and more on the formula. I went to the workshop a couple times a week to monitor Elijah's weight gain and also my milk output. I was so encouraged to see the supply steadily increasing. 

When Elijah was almost 2 months old, I was breastfeeding but also still supplementing with formula (with a bottle at this point), thinking that he wasn't ready to wean from the bottle yet.  I took him to see his pediatrician, Dr. Bob Sears for his well visit. I will always be forever grateful to the nurse that checked Elijah's stats because she is the one that suggested that I go ahead and completely stop the formula since he most definitely wasn't starving and was in the 95th percentile for height and weight.

That night I stopped formula feeding and he's been nursing like a champ ever since. I'm ecstatic to say that other than a handful of times he had a few bottles of formula since then (because I didn't have enough pumped breastmilk on hand), he's been exclusively breastfed! Jennifer wasn't even sure I would ever be able to exclusively breastfeed, so she was so happy to hear that I was.

So if you have any issues with breastfeeding at all, Milkalicious is the go-to for your solutions. Jennifer even does consultations via Skype for those who don't live in the area.

I love breastfeeding and nurse him everywhere I go. I am definitely not shy about nursing in public. I even nursed him at the top of the Sacre Couer in Paris earlier this year! It feels so good that he's able to get the best source of nutrition and it clearly shows with his robust health and energy. I plan to nurse until he self-weans.....even if that means until 2-3 years old. 

Nursing at the top of Sacre Couer in Paris

In Gouvieux, France at my friend's country home

Elijah at 9 months

Birth story and aftermath

Two days before going into labor

I've been wanting to write out my birth story for some time now and had only written short versions of it. Although I'm not necessarily traumatized by the experience, I know that expressing my thoughts and feelings will serve to not only tell my story but also help heal any scars I might bear from the experience. 

Dec. 1st, 11:30 p.m.: I am 40 weeks 1 day pregnant, one day past my due date. We are in bed and as I'm falling asleep, I feel a warm trickle of water between my legs. My eyes fly open and I hurry to the bathroom. I confirm that it's amniotic fluid and proceed for the next few hours to change pads frequently and try to sleep, but to no avail. 

Dec. 2nd, 2:30 a.m.: Because I can't sleep, I take a long hot shower. I even blow dry my hair afterwards. Although I feel no pain or contractions yet, I know that labor is imminent. I let Gabe sleep so he can rest for the big event. I'm feeling very excited and can hardly believe it's finally happening. 

4:30 a.m.: I'm back in bed but I'm changing pads nearly every 5 minutes. Still not able to sleep. Finally, I start to feel the twinges of pain in my lower abdomen. At this point I decide to wake Gabe to tell him the big news and also that I'm at a loss over what to do about the constant leakage as I'm running out of pads. He proceeds to create a makeshift diaper out of towels and running shorts. I chuckle. Leave it to Gabe to come up with something ingenious! We go back to bed. 

5:00 am: I call my Mom, who lives in San Diego and inform her that I'm in labor and to arrive here at the house around 7 am. Although the plan is to labor at home as long as possible, I'm feeling like I will be needing to head to the hospital sooner than later. I can't remember if I was able to get any sleep at that point....I think I got a couple of hours. 

7:00 a.m.: I am up and walking around....from this point on until I have the baby, I only have snippets of memories of the labor. The only thing I remember about laboring at home early this morning is sitting in the chair in our living room throwing up. My mom finally arrives. I tell her and Gabe that I'm ready to get to the hospital as the pain is much more intense. 

8-9 a.m.: We are on our way up to Hoag Memorial Hospital, a 20-minute car ride. I spent the ride listening to my Hypnobirthing CD through the Bose headset, with my eyes closed. The trip is astonishingly quick and before I know it, I'm walking into the hospital and sit in the waiting room while Gabe goes through the admission process at the front desk of the L&D maternity ward. I am swaddled with blankets, feel the pain of labor on my face, and sprawled out on the chair breathing through the contractions, still listening to the CD.

Dec. 2nd, 9 a.m. - Dec. 3rd, 4:00 a.m.: When I finally get settled into bed for labor, I am checked and to everyone's surprise, I am already at 9 centimeters! They put the electronic fetal monitoring on my belly to check the heart rate of our little one. Everything is looking good. At this point they ask to insert a heplock IV. Because of previous painful experiences, I decline since I don't want to deal with it. After a couple of hours, I finally consent to it due to my doctor's insistence. The nurse tried twice to insert the needle but was unsuccessful both times. It was painful. Gabe was advised by a good friend of ours to call in the anesthesiologist to insert the needle since they are so experienced with it. Sure enough, not only did he get the needle in, but he also did it painlessly and I never experienced any discomfort with it in my forearm.

All throughout the labor, I am throwing up. At my request I drink my own water, coconut water and juice, instead of having an IV. I am in a lot of pain, but I am able to tolerate it, thanks to the Hypnobirthing techniques. After several hours of this, I don't appear to be making any progress. The nurse checks me and she tells me that one side of my cervix seems to be having a hard time making it over our baby's head. Because the baby seemed to be doing just fine and I still have stamina to labor, I decide to keep laboring to see if progress can be made. My doctor wants to start Pitocin but we decline. I am avoiding Pitocin as much as I can.

We hired a doula but she happens to be in Mexico, however she was coming home that evening. At 7 p.m. that night she finally makes it to the hospital. What a relief to have her there finally since we were getting a lot of pressure from the doctor to get Pitocin and/or a c-section since I'm not progressing. We still felt like going on with the labor. It was hard for me but not so unbearably so that I had to get an epidural. I was VERY determined to have a natural birth and was paramountly important to me, as long as the baby appeared to be doing fine, which he was.

It's funny how much I can't really remember the pain, but I remember how difficult it was. Gabe was so helpful and an amazing birthing coach. He encouraged me, held me, protected me and did everything a husband and father could do. I am truly fortunate to have him in my life. It was also reassuring and a support to have my mother there as well as Briana, our doula. I know I wouldn't have endured the labor as long as I did without these three people.

It's all a blur, but at some point the charge nurse and another doctor check me and they determine that the baby is going back and forth between being posterior and sideways (as opposed to anterior, the position needed for delivery). They also determine that I have another sac of water that they proceed to break to see if that helps along the birth. In addition to that, I am instructed to me push during the contractions even though I never feel the urge to push. This is perhaps the hardest part of the whole experience for me. It was HARD. At some point, one drip of Pitocin was given to me to see if that would help. It is then that I'm not able to handle the contractions anymore. I yell at them to turn off the Pitocin. I also ask for an epidural. I just could not handle it anymore. It isn't as bad or as hard as I thought it would be (based on stories I've heard) to get an epidural and it gives me the rest I so badly need after pushing so hard. According to the EFM, it shows that baby is tired (Although the heart rate is steady, it's not reacting to the contractions anymore), I'm tired and my uterus is tired. They suggest a c-section. By now I am in agreement to the c-section. There is no way I can go on and I'm simply not progressing.

Dec. 3rd 7:00 a.m.: Prepped for surgery with Gabe by my side, holding my hand. Although I'm anesthetized, I can tell when they finally perform the c-section. Gabe tells me later that he could tell by looking at my eyes that it feels unnatural and invasive to me. It did, but it wasn't horrible. 

7:08 a.m.: We hear the baby's first cry and we both start crying with joy and emotion. After a minute, Gabe goes over to cut the umbilical cord and see the sex of the baby. He comes back, announcing with happiness that "It's a boy!". I am so overjoyed. I watch from a distance as they clean him up, weigh him (9 pounds 11 oz., 21 inches long!) and do all they have to do get him ready to hand over to me. It seems to take forever but they finally gave him to me, all bundled up. It is hard to completely and fully be in the moment because of the lengthy labor, but I fall in love with him and delight in every moment I have with him.
 
His Apgar scores at 1 and 5 minutes were 9 each, meaning he was about as healthy as a baby could be when born in spite of him being covered in meconium when he was extracted from me and having a low blood sugar of 30 (which was immediately corrected and had a normal blood sugar reading shortly after). Thank God he was born healthy!

It was then that for me, things started going downhill. Because I was so dehydrated throughout the labor from vomiting and no IV (which the nurses should have given me in spite of me drinking my own water and juice), my blood pressure crashed to a dangerous level of 50/25. It became an emergency situation where many doctors and nurses came in to insert several IVs to pump my body up with fluids. They told me in the middle of it that I went into shock, which is strange because I didn't even realize it and actually felt fine. Apparently I wasn't because my body took in 6 bags of fluids in a very short amount of time. I remember looking over at Gabe, who was sitting with our son skin-to-skin, and watching as my doctor was telling him about the situation. I knew it wasn't good by the look on his face. It wasn't the greatest moment. I ended up in ICU that day and most of the next day, which meant I had little time with my son for nearly 48 hours. I obviously couldn't nurse or even pump because of my condition.

The next few days were not spent in much bliss. Sure, I tried to nurse and hold him but I was simply to ill to enjoy it much. For a whole week since having Elijah I was not able to eat or drink much fluids, on top of recovering from the c-section. I had massive stomach pains that felt like an acidic burn in the pit of my stomach. My holistic doctor and chiropractor, Dr. Gary Arthur, made a home visit the day I came home from the hospital and told me I most likely had a hiatal hernia of the stomach/esophagus (from the vomiting during labor). I also got another home visit from an osteopathic pediatrician, Dr. Maryanne Haskell, who came all the way up from San Diego. But miraculously, after a day-long acidic bout in my stomach and feeling like I wanted to die, I took a nap (my way of escaping the pain) in the afternoon and woke up feeling perfectly fine and was able to eat ever since then. I fully attribute this sudden healing to Jesus, my Healer, along with the help from these two doctors. The recovery was far too sudden for it not to be from Him. That whole week whenever I was in bed, I would envision Jesus' hand in my stomach, soothing it with His touch.

In spite of going through what was THE most difficult week of my life, I fell in love with Elijah. I enjoyed watching Gabe immerse himself into the role of not only Mr. Mom, but also as a father. He is a true natural. It gave me so much security and rest knowing that our son was safe with him. He and Gabe will share a bond that runs deep. Gabe was there for him when I couldn't be and for that I will always be grateful to Gabe.